Holidays with the Cullens
by The Real Blue Eyed Demon
Summary: Poor Bella. She seemes to have got herself in over her head again. Vampire Holidays, can she survive?
1. 1 Groundhog Day

_**Holidays with the Cullens.**_

**Chapter 1. Groundhog's Day.**  
Wow, some superstitions never die. The Cullens actually believe in this, with a passion.

**Disclaimer:** What about slot machines? Can you win it from them?

**Oh boy, I don't accept responsibility for anything that happens here. As far as I'm concerned you made me do it. Well, maybe the voices had a little to do with it then there was that week old Spam.  
Oh, were was I, oh yes me forcing my insanity on you, enjoy, Bella sure wont.**

**--**

**Feb, 2nd. Groundhog Day.**

Really, how bad can it be? Edward told me yesterday that new family member I have to join the family in there holiday celebrating. So, come on, what could be so bad. He had this funny, cute little expression, like someone had just ran over his puppy. Apparently Esme had told him to tell me this, or _else_. I have to admit that is one scary vampire.

So that's why I'm here, at the park, surrounded by screaming children. Emmett seems to be enjoying himself, he's holding a steadily melting ice-cream and has a huge grin on his face. Jasper seem anxious, he keeps glancing at the place were the groundhog is supposed to come out of. Esme is smiling happily and looking around at all the children around her.

Edward is just standing glumly at my side holding my hand, a resigned frown on his face. Rosalie is glaring at Emmett who seems to have forgotten she exist. Alice is in a trance state trying to see what the groundhog is going to do, she doesn't seem to notice Emmett's ice-cream is dripping onto her French shirt. Carlisle is examining the weather condition, cloudy and overcast, joy, he seems to think that a sudden sun ray is going to come down and scare the rodent that has not yet emerged. He appears to be hopping for this actually, I wonder why?

"Edward, this is stupid, why are we waiting here in this crowded, sweaty park for something that's just a lame superstition?" His family slowly turned to glare at me, their black eyes gleaming in the light of a hundred groundhog-shaped flashlights. A low growl was heard coming from Emmett. I stopped moving, I stopped breathing. Well, I knew one thing, I would never, _ever_, insult another holiday with the Cullens, that is if I survived this one. Jasper took a deep breath, stopped and walked away.

Emmett was still giving me a death glare, but had thankfully stopped growling. Rose just tossed her hair with a smug little grin, a grin that said 'This is why we don't listen to humans'. Esme looked deeply hurt, and a little more than annoyed. Carlisle looked shamed, "Bella, this is what we believe in." His voice was calm but low. Alice looked close to tears, and was clutching her rodent flashlight to her chest like it would save her from the evil that was me.

I took a step back, oh, kay... I just stood there in the awkward silence. I had no idea what to say, what could I say? After a while Jasper returned and they went back to staring at the hole, pointedly ignoring me. Edward still stood beside me though, but I think he was kind of miffed too.

Finally after 2 hours of waiting, Emmett is going wild by the way, the rodent of the year emerges. It's just sitting there nibbling at a bit of carrot, wow, really. Gasp amazing, I don't think I can hold back the excitement much longer. Oh, would you look at that, its going back into its hole. Emmett looks like he's about to die from joy, someone needs to get this boy a chill pill.

Carlisle just looks sad, that's really starting to look bad for me. Rose is, well, being Rose. Alice looks scandalized, she's just standing there mouth held open blinking dumbly. Esme has a smug look, really starting to look bad for me, maybe I should write my will. Jasper just looks like something's been resolved, he seems ready to leave now. I'm way ahead of you Jasper. Edward just sighs and picks me up.

On the drive home Esme is saying something about stopping at the store to get more Mr. Clean. Carlisle just muttered something about there still being a little time left, he seemed hopeful about that. I think I'll talk to Jasper tomorrow, he probably knows a bit about wills.

Edward seems to be shaking, maybe I can skip whatever it is that their so scared of. I hope.

OK, so after my first holiday with the Cullens I have learned three very important things.  
1. Never, ever insult something that they might think is important.  
2. Keep Emmett away from large crowds, and excitement. At all cost.  
3. Get violently sick before the next holiday.

--

**Sorry this chapter is kind of lame, but really there is not much you can do with Groundhog Day. There just isn't.  
This idea just randomly struck me, I'm midway through the next chapter of Vanished, but the plot bunnies treated to, _do_, something to me if I didn't wright this. Those things really are evil.**


	2. 2 Marti Gras

**Chapter 2: Marti Gras.**

Yes, they do take her to New Orleans. What, did you think our vampires would only do the thing half properly?

**Disclaimer:** Twilight is not mine. The monkeys are.

**Oh, hell yes!! I'll bring the keg you bring the... I probably shouldn't finish that sentence -looks at rating- no I really shouldn't finish that sentence. No, you know what F that, I'm raising the rating, I mean _Marti Gras_ for heavens sake people, you cannot expect me to restrain myself.  
Sorry about the long wait for this chapter, I know nothing about Marti Gras and had to do some research so that's why it took so long. I might also add that I have not been to New Orleans, _yet_. Marti Gras 2009, watch out, here I come.  
Enjoy!**

**--**

**Feb 5th: Marti Gras.**

I sat on my bed stunned, they couldn't be serious. I mean come on _Marti Gras_! I stared off into space for a while trying to collect my run-away imagination. Oh well, at least they couldn't do anything too over the top, though Alice did have that flair for the dramatic.

I shivered a the thoughts of the things she would have planned and the monstrously overpriced costumes she would squeeze me into. I sighed, If I had to do this it would probably just be us sitting awkwardly around the Cullens kitchen table while they watched me try to eat a whole king cake.

Who knows, maybe Emmett would toss beads at Rosalie to get her to flash him. I seriously hoped not I just could not compete with Rosalie, or any of them for that matter. I smiled at the thought oh how I would tease Edward today. I had a handful of plastic beads that I had saved from last year, maybe he could give _me_ a striptease. Damn, why did he have to be so moral.

I pulled on a purple tank top and a green pair of shorts, Alice would kill me when she saw them but I thought they were very festive. I had spent a good part of last night searching through the unpacked clothes under my bed to find them.

I snatched up the beads from my night stand, shoving them in my pocket then rushed down the stairs. By the time I got down I could hear Charlie talking to Alice in the kitchen, they seemed to be finished with their conversation. Charlie seemed really excited for some reason, he said something about a video camera. I then chose to make my appearance in the kitchen. Charlie jumped up startled by my sudden appearance but Alice just smiled at me, she had probably heard me all the way from my room.

"Hi, Bella!" Alice jumped up from her chair and ran, human speed, over to me. I frowned, whatever made Alice happy was going to make me sad. I heard a chuckle from the other side of the kitchen. I jumped nearly five feet into the air and my heat went into spasms.

"Sorry I startled you Bella." A wave of calm settled over me as Jasper walked over to me from his leaning place against the counter. I had not _seen_ him. I gave a brief wave of pity for all the animals that the Cullens had hunted.

"Oh, Bella, we are going to have so much fun!" Alice's voice rang around the cramped kitchen, Jasper winced. I turned to him, "is there even any point in asking what she has planned?" "Nope." His slow southern drawl made he smile, he was always so calm.

"Oh well, take me away then." I held out both arms for them to grab which they did. After the disaster at my last birthday Jasper had gained more self-control. He had no real problem being around me, as long he was well fed that is.

"Have fun, Bells," Charlie's voice called form the living room. Alice closed the door behind us with a maniac smile, Jasper was holding me in a more restraining grip. "Sorry Bella, she would kill me if I let you get away." Uh oh, not good. They rushed me to Emmett's jeep, he was hanging his head out the window grinning at me. I groaned and resigned myself to my fate. Jasper got me in the car and strapped the harness on me, I had a feeling it was being used to keep me from flinging myself from the vehicle.

Emmett started driving, I would have traded Edward's driving for Emmett's anyday, he was a hazard behind the wheel. When we finally arrived at the Cullen home five minutes later I was shaking so hard I was vibrating the seat and very, very glad for the harness. The death count was one squirrel and two birds. I give an honorable mention to an old lady for whom Emmett had, narrowly, swerved out of the way for.

Jasper and Emmett were laughing at me and Alice was looking over a chart of some kind, that girl was up to something and I had a feeling I wouldn't like it.

Edward rushed out of the house in a blur and had me in his arms in milliseconds, he gave a glare to his hysterical brothers. "What have you done to her?" His growl put irritable grizzlies to shame. Jasper was the first one to regain his power of speech, "oh don't worry Edward, it was just her first taste of Emmett's driving." With that said he dissolved back into a new wave of laughter that echoed off the trees along with Emmett's boom.

I decided I hated my new brothers and after a quick glance at Alice's grin, terrified of my new sister.

Edward gave me his lopsided smile. "Hey love, sorry I wasn't there to pick you up. Carlisle and Rosalie decided I should hunt before we leave." I looked up into his swimming topaz eyes with horror. "LEAVE! Oh, no! Were are you taking me!?" So this is why Alice had been so happy, I hoped they weren't taking me to France or Europe.

I still remembered my last trip to France with Alice. She had merely scooped me up in the middle of the night, left a note for Charlie, then threw me on a plane bound first class for Paris. It had been a horrible week.

Edward looked uncomfortable. "Bells, umm, I really shouldn't say, Alice would be furious at me for ruining the surprise." Alice looked up from her chart and hissed at him, he chuckled. "See," he turned me towards his chest again and I gave a sigh of contentment against the smooth cold stone of his skin.

Rosalie came down the steps then, she was snarling and looked ready to kill, she had that, I'm-a-vampire-so-get-the-hell-out-of-my-way, look. She was headed strait towards Emmett, he didn't seem to notice his impending doom. There was a break in the clouds and a ray of sunshine poured down onto her igniting her with rainbows, somehow this made her look even more menacing.

Jasper, who was not still in hysterics noticed this with a panicked look on his face, he probably scenced her malice. Edward was grimmincing, he was _hearing_ her malice. She stopped a foot away from Emmett who still seemed immune to the snarls and glare coming from his wife.

She brought her army boot clad foot back and sent it flying into his ribs with a loud crack. He gave a howl and stared wide eyed up at her, his eyes got wider in fear. "Rose, honey?" She let out a shriek that made me wince and the birds fly from the trees around us. "I found _this_ in our room Emmett!" She threw down a glossy magazine in front of his face. The magazine had indecent pictures of women on it. Emmett went paler, "Rose, I can explain." She tapped her dangerous looking foot, "I'm waiting."

He gulped, "it was a present from Jasper?" he looked hopefully at Jasper who was backing away quickly, eyes wide, from Rose. He was shaking his so hard it was a blur. She glared back at Emmett, "really?" He was visibly shaking now. "Rose, please! I got it at the adult store when I bought those costumes for us, it was a free gift." I gagged, and I wasn't the only one, Jasper looked as sick as I felt. Edward was shaking with silent laughter, Alice was giggling madly and examining a parade rout now. Emmett looked mortified, Rosalie was smirking.

Esme and Carlisle took this moment to walk out of the house, Esme had a small carry on suitcase under one arm. "Are we ready to go _children_," he glared pointedly at Emmett who looked like he would dearly love to sink into the grass and never be seen again. Jasper and Rose nodded, I shook my head but Edward was already dragging me towards the Mercedes.

Ten minutes later we were pulling into the airport. Emmett pulled up next to us in his jeep, he had a huge grin on his face and a video recorder pointed at my face, he was also driving. Jasper and Rosalie were laughing in the back-seat at the expression on my face, I just glowered at them and turned to bury my face in Edward chest.

He smoothed my hair until we parked in the parking garage. "Bella, were here." I looked up at his marvelous face and frowned. "Edward, were are taking me?" "Its a surprise." He smiled his heart warming smile and I felt my anger melt. "You _know_ I hate surprises," I pouted. He kissed my head and lifted me out of the car.

Alice had already got out on the other side, she skipped over to me. "All right Bella, here's how its going to go down, we already have the tickets, I already have our whole day planned, and your going to be happy about it." My frown said how I felt about that.

An hour later I was sitting in first class next to Edward. He was looking across the isle at Alice and smiling, they were probably having a mental conversation. Jasper sat next to her staring out the window, he looked bored. Esme and Carlisle sat behind us, they were holding hands and he would steal an occasional kiss, this was odd behavior for them.

Rosalie and Emmett sat behind Alice and Jasper, Emmett was messing with a light-up toy he had gotten from the little shop at the airport. Rose was looking in a magazine titled _Fashion and how to make it look good_, she was smiling in a not very nice way.

I returned to staring out the window at the ground, very far below us. I now remembered why I had stopped looking out the window. A voice came on over the speakers, "we will be arriving in New Orleans shortly, please fasten your seat belts, and thank you for flying with us." (A/N. Have I mentioned that I also have never been on an airplane?)

I clicked my seat belt on but the Cullens just sort of shifted a bit. Carlisle draped his over his lap, and continued to gaze into Esme's eyes. Rosalie turned a page in her magazine, Alice was still smirking at Edward. Jasper was now thumbing through the thick novel he had carried onto the plane, it was in Spanish. Emmett seemed to have broken his toy and was trying to get Rosalie's attention, probably to try to see if she could fix it.

I felt the plane touch down with a jolt. I still couldn't believe they had actually taken me to New Orleans, though to be truthful I didn't put it past them. I had not argued I just sat down to wait for our flight with my mouth shut and my face set while Alice bounced around the terminal. Now we were in New Orleans, joy.

Alice had said that we should watch the parade, she said it was the whole point. I seriously hoped it was the whole point but knowing Alice there would be shopping involved somewhere in the near future.

I couldn't believe how exited I got during the parade, being showered with coins and beads was awesome. Rose had teased Emmett that she would flash the next guy that looked like him, Emmett had sat there growling for the next half hour.

Jasper had met an old _non-vegetarian_ friend and they had gone off somewhere to talk. Edward was practically sitting on me and he was still anxiously scanning the crowd for anymore vampires, it was annoying me to no end.

I watched another float drift by and squealed as another shower of coins and candy fell from the sky. Emmett picked up a sucker and with a wink popped it in his mouth, wrapper and all, his face screwed up and disgust and he spat it out again.

Alice was no were to be seen I was staring to get worried, for me.

My fears were confirmed. She had gotten bored of the parade and had gone shopping, she had a ball gown for me. At least she had spared me some ounce of kindness and had taken off the price tag, though that could be to prevent me from taking it back.

"Alice," I whined, good God, I sounded like a child. "Oh, Bella stop that you'll look lovely in it," with that she pushed me away from the crowed and into a little air conditioned boutique.

We, that is _I_, came out thirty minutes later with a sack full of cosmetics and an honnest to God _tiara_, I would have to get rid of it somehow. Edward was waiting outside for me, he didn't seem to be very happy. I think he was still worried that at any minute a whole army of newborns would come streaming out of a dark ally crazed for my blood. Knowing my luck that just might happen.

We went to a lovely little cafe to get me some lunch, I got my first taste of king cake there, I decided I liked king cake, a lot. (A/N, I have never tried king cake, sorry.)

When we got out I gave Emmett the little plastic baby I had found in my slice of cake, he seemed really happy with it. Jasper had also rejoined us, apparently the Volturi had come in recently and wiped out a newborn gang that had held the city for a while, they had been, over feeding, on the population. Edward seemed more relaxed after that.

We had been having a lovely time walking around the city just the four of us, that is, until Alice found us. Apparently we were going to a Masquerade ball, or at least she thought we were.

OK, so we were I learned that the hard way. I was still rubbing my sore arm as I walked down the street in my ball gown, _tiara_, and half pound of makeup. I held a mask in one hand and Edward's cold arm in the other. He was dressed handsomely in a black tux that went well with my dark blue dress, he also held a mask.

Rosalie and Emmett looked like they had just come off a movie set somewhere, they were both dressed in dark red crushed velvet. Rosalie's dress had little ruffles that made the light catch on the fabric, it was amazing of course. Jasper and Alice also had matching colors, white, though they were different fabrics. Alice's dress was pure silk with real roses sewn into it. Jasper's tux was what I suspected to be satin, also with real roses.

Esme was wearing a flowing purple dress that sparkled in any light that caught it, she was breathtaking. I wondered if I would look as good as a vampire. Carlisle was in a Black tuxedo as well, it had a dark blue undershirt that went well with Esme's dress.

The ball was a nightmare, I must have fallen down at least thirty times, heels are death traps don't let anyone tell you otherwise. To be fair Edward caught me most of the time, but still.

Alice and Jasper danced like something out of a fairy tale, it was like they were gliding across the floor. Emmett and Rose had disappeared somewhere, Edward got really flustered and dropped what he was holding when I asked about them. Carlisle and Esme were talking quietly over by the punch bowl, Edward wouldn't let me touch it so it was probably spiked.

At some point in the night I fell asleep in his arms with a smile on my face.

When I awoke it was to the light coming in through my bedroom window. "Sleep well love?" I smiled at that lovely purr of a voice, I decided I liked Marti Gras.

Three things I learned from my Cullen Marti Gras experience.  
1. Do not let Alice get me alone. Ever.  
2. Get more king cake.  
3. Get some of that damn punch.

--

**I cannot believe I actually restrained myself in this chapter, I guess I just don't have the dirty mind I thought I did. Oh well I'm changing the rating anyway, just in case. It was long, it was grueling, now it is over I hope you enjoyed it. Stay tuned kiddies, Valentine's Day is next, oh joy. Tell me if you have any suggestions, other wise you'll get a chapter of Edward kissing Bella in their meadow.**

--

King Cake Recipe Make your own King Cake with this recipe from Mardi Gras On the Net

Ingredients:

-1 can of cinnamon rolls, with icing

-3/4 cup of sugar, separated into 3 parts of 1/4 each

-food coloring

Separate the cinnamon rolls and roll them out by hand so that they look like a hot dog. Shape the roll into an oval, pinch the ends together, and place on a cookie sheet. Cook as directed.

While they are cooking, use food coloring to dye sugar. Make one part purple using blue and red, one part green, and one part gold using yellow. When they are finished cooking, ice the tops with the white icing. Sprinkle the different colors of sugars alternating as you go around the oval. Enjoy!


End file.
